Am I worth it?

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

I also did a card like Dwight did a while back on what I struggle with and need to improve on in my life and walk with Christ and one of the main things for me is self love. I struggle with depression. When I look at the things I am not proud of, both physically and internally (habits, feelings, personality, etc…) I feel like a failure.

I am not happy with my weight and the way my body looks. I am not happy with the way I act on emotions and speak before I think sometimes. I am not happy with my stubbornness and pride that hinders me occasionally. I am not happy with my eating habits, whether it is overeating or not eating. I am not happy with my sleep patterns or lack of I should say. I am not happy that I procrastinate and manage time poorly. The list goes on and on. I am not happy with a lot of me, so much so that I often look at myself as worthless and not deserving of anything good.

However, just as I look at the things I am not proud of, I need to look at the things I am proud of. I have a caring and loving heart. I am good at school. I have a great singing voice. I am proud of some parts on my body. Most of all, I love God with all my heart and I desire to be like Him and live for Him. There are more  and although this list is not as long as my list of things I am not proud of, it is just as important.

I need to celebrate and embrace the things I am proud of and thank God for them. Also, instead of looking at the things I am not proud of as me being a failure, I need to ask God to give me the strength and help to change those things. The things I am not proud of should not beat me down and hold me there but motivate me to stand back up.   

Now it is true that I do not deserve salvation and I am not worthy of the grace and mercy God shows me but that does not mean I am worthless. If God didn't find me worth it, He wouldn't have bothered sending Jesus to save me and give me eternal life. If God didn't think I was worth it, He would not have created me in His image. If God didn't think I was worth it, He wouldn't call me His child and desire a relationship with me. He loves me and although I am not worthy in the sense of “deserving of praise”, I am worthy in the fact that He has placed value in me. I am not a nothing, God doesn't make junk. As the verse says above, He created me and I am wonderfully made.

So when I look into the mirror and see a worthless self-image and one of guilt and insecurity, that is not the reflection God wants me to see nor is it the reflection He sees in me. He sees me through the lenses of the cross. He sees me forgiven, pure and holy. He sees me as the beautiful creation He made and loves me unconditionally even when I don't love myself. 

Lord, I pray that You would open my eyes so that I may see myself as You see me. That I would see the value I have to You and to others and act on that instead of be devoured by my faults. I pray that You would help me to accept the things I cannot change about myself that I may not like and to help me improve the things I can. Thank You for creating me and making me someone special. Thank You for never giving up on me even when I give up on myself. Thank You for loving me and accepting me despite my faults and for Your grace and mercy in giving me my salvation. You are truly an awesome God and I am proud to be Your child. I pray that I don’t forget where I come from and who I am, Your wonderful creation and Your loved and treasured daughter. In Jesus’ name, Amen.