Saturday, March 2, 2013

Vengeance is NOT mine!

“You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:43-44

Loving strangers is one thing, but loving those who have hurt us is where the challenge lies. We all have people in our lives that have caused us pain and hurt us and God tells us that we need to forgive them, pray for them and show them the love and mercy that He shows us.

I don’t know about you but I struggle with this one. I don’t have such a hard time forgiving those I love and even those I don’t particularly care for, but where I really struggle is reserved for a specific someone.

I am not going to go into details but I was abused as a child, from someone who I was supposed to be able to trust and lean on. I was betrayed, belittled and beaten down emotionally and mentally, not to mention the abuse I was receiving on the outside of my mind. I bear the burdens still, from my insecurity, lack of trust, low self-esteem and several other lasting consequences caused by the actions of my abuser.

I have read that verse several times and I know that I am supposed to pray for him and give it to God. Many abusers were in fact tortured themselves and lash out in hurt because no one is showing them the compassion they so desire and need so they rob everyone else of it as well. I am by no means excusing the behavior, but our prayer should not be one of anger and revenge but one of compassion and forgiveness and God’s love.

I know this and yet I still I have yet to fully obey. Instead I come back to God with comments like “He doesn't deserve to be forgiven; why should I love him? God you don’t understand what he put me through or the hurt I have endured. I can’t forgive him, I can’t.”

I can just see Him looking down at me shaking his head… “Really Jay, really? I don’t understand?” He understands hurt better than anyone. The pain, torture and abuse Jesus suffered make my abuse look like winning the lottery. I can’t begin to comprehend the excruciating torment he endured physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually as even God turned His back on Him.

He understands, and what is worse is that I caused that pain. Not personally as I wasn't there, but it was my sin that put Him there. It was for me that He had to go through it. He understands completely and He still tells me to forgive and love him. Does my abuser deserve to be forgiven? No, he doesn't  but do I deserve to be forgiven by God day in and day out? No, I do not, yet that is what God gives me. He constantly is showering me with His love and mercy, despite my faults and my actions having caused Him the worst possible pain imaginable and He expects me to do that same. (Ephesians 4:32)

God can heal our wounds of abuse. Only He can replace it with compassion, erase the pain and bitter memories and give me a renewed sense of worth as His treasured child. Full healing comes from true forgiveness and giving my pain over to God and so that He can fix the damage in my heart; all the pain and hurt, the bitterness and anger towards this person and the effects it is having on my life and other relationships.

When I say I can’t forgive him that is a lie; I can, I just don’t want to forgive him. Forgiveness is a choice; it is an act of service to the Lord and a witness to the person who caused us pain. God demands we show them mercy and love. He demands we give up the right to punish others and give Him control over our lives and theirs.

Lord, I ask that You help me to forgive. Help me to accept the past and move on with my eyes focused on You and not the man who caused me pain. Please soften my hardened heart and take away my bitterness and anger. Help me forgive him as You forgive me. Help me to show him love as You show it to me. I need Your grace and healing power Lord, give me the strength of forgiveness and love, instead of my weakness in revenge and anger. Help me God, please. In Your name, Amen.

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