People Pleaser

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ -Galatians 1:10

I fall in this area a lot, so I thought I would talk about it and the coping skills I have worked on.

If you are a people pleaser I have noticed a few things that happen.

1.      You tend to match your morals with others.

2.      You end up doing for others more than yourself.

3.      You end up compromising your relationship with God for relationships with people.

First Point: Matching your morals with others

To fit in, to help ease strife, to help a conversation flow, you will match your values with the person you are interacting with. If you have ever been trained in sales you are told to match your values with the other person. If you have ever dealt with a sales person, it seems that they always like the same things as you do. This is also noticeable when two people first start dating. People dating tend to do match their values and likes with each other against their own feelings. Guys and gals will do things they don’t particularly enjoy just to sell themselves as liking what the other person likes. 

The danger with this is that you compromise your own values. You lower your own standards to the other persons and possibly to the point it will not please God. Be on guard and vigilant on keeping in alignment with God. In other words, if you are a people pleaser, this will be hard work, but worth it. Remember at the end of your life those people you please or try to get approval with will not be there for you, God will!

Second Point: Doing more for others

Most people pleasers have trouble saying “No” and this can be devastating to relationships. Here is the sad fact is that others know you are a people pleaser and have difficult saying “No” Those people will go to people pleasers because the answer they get is always yes and much easier to get their way. Resentment starts to build, and even when this happens people pleasers will continue to cave and say yes to everything. 

The danger in this trait is that you will say yes to people before you say yes to God. Another danger you face is that this resentment might build to the point that anger flows out of you toward the other person. You might even freak out on them. That is not showing the love of God and really doesn’t show God’s light through you. Helping people is what God wants you to do, but do it for God not the other people. And this is important, do things for you. God wants that and you need to be balanced. And be on guard to being resentful toward God. 

Another danger People Pleaser do is their tendency to ignore is the lies people might say to get what they need. They either ignore or accept the lie to continue the relationship. This is very unhealthy for both the liar and the people pleaser because it starts to build resentment within the people pleaser and enables the liar in thinking that is correct behavior.

Third Point: You compromise your relationship with God

Do not compromise. Not in this area. This is handled by three steps I believe.

1.      Stay in the word: Read his word, go to church and seek his guidance.

2.      Pray: Find quiet time and seek God’s direction. Spend some good quality time with Him. Not the quick prayer at night, or during meals, actually go and seek His face and answers

3.      Surround yourself with people who will not take advantage of you and will hold you accountable. Ask yourself if in a relationship are they takers or givers. If you find yourself having resentment toward a person because they are just takers then it is time to surround yourself with other people.

Lord, thank You thank You thank You for being with me till the end. I choose to follow You and seek Your guidance. I desire to follow You and to not win the approval of man but long to hear You say, “Well done faithful servant” Please help me and guide me to seek only You. In Jesus name, Amen.