Who holds you accountable here?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

(To hear the audio version of this post, click here. I would suggest following along on the this post too) 

Every single one of us has something, actually many things which we struggle with, the problem is more often than not we try to overcome these areas in our lives by ourselves, thinking that we can do it on our own. In case you haven't figured this one out, we can't.

First and foremost, we need to lean on God to help us, but it doesn't stop there. Isolation is the Devil's doorway to us and when we are alone we are vulnerable. We are never alone in God, but I mean getting help down here, and I am not really talking about fellowship or even friendship per say either, I am talking about accountability.

Accountability is a non-negotiable aspect of the Christian life. There are numerous passages outlining the need and command to not only look to God for love, support and guidance, but also to provide it to each other. I would like to point out that even though I am writing this blog encouraging people to find an accountability partner, I want to remind you that it is just as important for you to be an accountability partner yourself as well. All of the verses are interchangeable in that they tell us what we should do AND what we should receive.

A lot of times we tend to look at our spiritual leaders as our accountability partners and while they do offer encouragement and conviction, it is not specifically tailored it to our lives. We all need someone at a closer more intimate level that works with us individually. I have come up with a few things that in my opinion outline the who, what, where, how and why of accountability partners...

1. Determine what areas you need to work on. Ask yourself these questions; What are you ashamed of? What do you struggle with? What hinders your relationship with Christ? What do you want to change about your life? These areas are typically not things you discuss with everyone, they are the things that you keep hidden in fear of rejection but torture you on the inside. (Examples: anger, lust, finances, addictions, depression, self worth, control, greed, attitude, fear, pride, worry, control, guilt, bitterness, etc...)

2. Finding your accountability partner. An accountability partner needs to be somebody that you are close to and can trust and confide in as most of the times the areas are sensitive and private like I mentioned above. Think of someone that could help you in either one area, many areas or even all areas of your life without judging you and still accept you as you are but be able to encourage and push you to move forward. Pray for guidance in this direction and assurance that the right person comes into your life and that you are made aware of them so you choose wisely.

3. This next one is actually the hardest in my opinion and that is to ask that person for help. In James 5:16, it says to confess your sins and pray with one another so that you may be healed. I would suggest going to them with something like this... "I have a problem with finances (for example) and I was wondering if you could please help me in this area; to pray with me and encourage me through this but also to hold my feet to the fire, and hold me accountable. Please pray and ask God is this is something that you would be willing to help me with." Though that is much easier said than done as this involves swallowing your pride and admitting defeat. It is a very humbling yet essential part in accountability and changing for good and for God.

4. Meet regularly and honestly. In Hebrews 3:13 it says to encourage one another daily so that we don't fall to sin. Daily would be ideal either through phone, text or email, but every few days or at least weekly in my opinion can be effective as well. Being honest is key to success here, if you lie about your progress, nothing is gained. Without trust, the relationship means nothing and there is no accountability.

5. Repent, Accept, Respect. In order for you to benefit from being held accountable you need to not only be honest but also be repentant. There should be guilt and conviction over what you were doing. Now comes the part where you are actually held accountable which is not always an easy pill to swallow. It can be loving encouragement, challenging questions that call you out; for example "Have you done your budget yet? Why not?, and it could be in the form of a lecture or more. However it is done, it needs to be non judgmental and given with love. Luke 17:3 states "If your brother or sister sins, rebuke him, if they repent, forgive them."

We all need someone to get in our faces at times about the things we need to be doing the key here is to accept the correction, listen to it take it to heart and learn from it. Even though it is embarrassing and humbling, without it we will never change; it is needed to help us to grow. "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11) For those like me who are stubborn, it can be hard not to get defensive against a correction but we need to remember and keep in mind that our accountability partner is there to help us and doing it because we asked them too. We need to always be grateful to them and show love and respect in return.

6. Lastly but most important is to include God in all of this and make Him the number 1 priority and remain focused on Him. I would encourage starting and ending the conversion in prayer to get in and stay in the mindset of submitting to Christ, asking for a humble heart so you are able to accept the teaching and learn from it.

Weather is in one area, a few or even a full 360 degree accountability in your life, by having someone (or more) hold you accountable deepens the friendship with our accountability partner, protects ourselves from our sinful self and allows us to gain spiritual strength and growth in our relationship with Christ.

Lord, please guide me so that I may find and grow in the friendships You want for me. Thank You for the accountability partner that I have and for providing me with someone who will  pray with me, counsel, encourage and rebuke me when needed. I ask that You help keep me humbled and make my heart open to accept and learn from the guidance given. I pray that You would use me also to be the same kind of friend for them so that we both may grow in our relationship with You in the areas we struggle with. I pray that You would help those in need of one and work to improve those of us who have one. Thank You for Your love, grace and mercy. In Jesus' name, Amen.